Now, I don’t want my audience thinking this is just another cliche New Year’s Resolution post about how I really am going to stay on track this year and incidentally be an awesome bitch that other people envy. No, no, NO! If I ever do that in the future I hereby give you permission to slash the tires on my car.

I decided to write this 12 days into the month of January  so that I can show you all how I have already failed… and quite miserably I might add.

But that’s okay.

Failure is good. It gives us something to laugh about– and usually when we need it the most. Here’s the catch though, we have to fail the right way. I get that this seems counter-intuitive but hear me out. When we fail we can either recognize where we made a mistake and learn from it or we can get frustrated by the fact that we didn’t get it right the first time and give up.

Last year I made a super complicated and strict resolution that I would not eat any junk food whatsoever (cake, candy, ice cream, chips, fast food, etc). This lasted about two weeks, maybe three, then I snapped. I binge-ate everything in sight like Mr. Crabs scooping up money after a bank explodes. It was ugly. Then I turned 21 and it was all about celebrations. My birthday week turned into birthday month, then birthday year, and before I knew it every day was Treat Yo Self day. I splurged a lot and gained a decent amount of weight, but what it really boils down to is that I made poor lifestyle choices.

This year I decided to keep it extremely simple and give myself a one-liner resolution:

Make good choices and do the right thing.

This probably sounds like something Danny Tanner would say to his daughter, DJ Tanner, before her boyfriend Steve takes her to the senior prom. I don’t care though because it actually makes sense. In 2016 I dropped out of school, quit my job after 5+ years with it and did some reckless things. It really wasn’t all that bad… After I withdrew from my spring classes in Feb/March, I only sat around doing nothing for 2 months before I went back to taking online classes in the summer and continued into the fall. My friends rolled their eyes when I called myself a “college dropout”. They were right in doing so.

Getting back to my 2017 New Year’s Resolution…

It applies to everything but also nothing in particular, which is why I happily settled with it. In my daily journal I elaborated on what making good choices or doing the right thing might mean for myself. Everyone is different, but here’s my version.

“Good choices might relate to what I eat and when I eat it. Or who I hang out with, when I hang out with them, and whether I’m under the influence while hanging out with them. It might mean choosing to get my homework done or study a couple of hours for that test before going out and socializing with my friends.

Doing the right thing might relate to standing up for things I believe in, choosing to not back down when I feel an injustice is taking place, or speaking up when something needs to be addressed.”

The resolution is almost painstakingly ambiguous when I reread it now! But that’s not the point, the point is that I have been confronted by my one-liner resolution a thousand times in just the last week. I think that means it’s working, but I really can’t be too sure.

To give you a few examples…

Good choice: I brought carrots, celery and hummus to work as my nibbling (okay fine, I’ll call it what it is: ‘binge’) snack. 01/05/17

Poor choice: I ate a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese McGriddle sandwich from McDonald’s because I was too lazy to make breakfast before leaving the house. 01/10/17

What I learned: First, that McDonald’s only tastes good when you’re on vacation and it’s the cheapest meal-option available. Second, that I failed to keep up with my Kosher diet not because “it’s hard to keep Kosher” but because I was being downright lazy. Third, that I am human and humans were perfectly designed to be imperfect beings.

To be perfect would be inhuman, and to be inhuman would make me alien. I don’t think I want to be an alien so I’m perfectly fine with being human.